Love is All You Need

“Love is the only human emotion that consistently generates the most productive and intelligent actions” – Humberto Maturana, Chilean Biologist

Why is it on Facebook that the posts that have animals of different species (including humans) caring for each other, get the biggest response from the public? Why am I moved to tears by acts of kindness? 
Why, I believe it is because I want to know that there is good in the world, that human nature is intrinsically generous and kind, and that true unconditional love is to be found not just between parent and child but is there to be awakened in the stranger. I want to know the world is a friendly place and that I am safe in it.

So often I feel I have to protect myself, to not be vulnerable, to pretend or put on a happy and strong face. I believe I grew up to distrust the world because my parents in an effort to keep me safe taught me to be wary. I understand this motivation but I realize too that it can lead to me feeling separate and disconnected.

Recently I came to a new realization. I am very often disconnected from myself. That's not the new part, I knew that already! But can this disconnect have originated in the same cause, wariness of my human nature. If there is danger out there then there must be danger in here. As without so within! The realization that I am often at war or on the defensive with myself has given me the opportunity to practice replacing that with vulnerability and nurturing. I am playing with this idea and so far I notice I am often less tense and less hyper critical, more gentle and compassionate. I will keep you posted as to whether this leads to more productive and intelligent actions as Humberto proposes. And maybe you would like to play with this as well, it can't hurt!

Great Expectations

Do you or did you have expectations of how your life would turn out; of what you might be when you grew up, expectations of a certain amount of achievement and happiness?

In my teens I remember a teacher going round the class asking each student what they hoped for in their future. She got varied answers; I want to be a fireman, I want to be married with children, I want to live in an exotic place, I want to have a big house. My answer was, I want to be happy.

All of the answers were lists of things imagined to bring happiness. I just didn't know what that would be for me in the future. How could I, at 13 years of age know what, at 30, 40, 50 would bring me happiness?
Naturally we have basic needs that must be met for happiness and we expect that they will be met, like having enough to eat, a warm dry place to sleep, like-minded friends and family who love us.

What I am realizing in my 50s is that I also have unconscious expectations that I believe may relate to how my parents lived their lives. In contrast to my parents who lived within 20 miles of where they were born, I live 6000 miles from where I was born. In contrast to them I have no children while they had 10. They lived in one house that they purchased, for over 60 years. I on the other hand live in a rented apartment and the longest I have lived in any one place ever is 12 years.

I have been wondering lately if this is why I have the feeling that there is no stability in my life, that everything is impermanent as if my life has not yet taken the shape it will be. I believe that I feel this because of the contrast with my family's choices and feel that I judge this as somehow not acceptable. The expectation that somehow it will turn out like my parents lives lurks in the unconscious.

 My life path and choices have brought me to this moment and asked me to evaluate and appreciate what I now have and what I have done. I say "asked me" to evaluate, as who else is qualified. Only I can truly decide if I have succeeded, if I am happy. I realize the power is in me to choose to look at what I dont have or compare my life with other lives and find it wanting OR appreciate what I do have and see the unique good. I am always going to long for more of what I love and that which makes me happy and I can also practice gratitude for my good fortune thus far. My life has been amazing and I am so grateful for the experiences I have had. Every life has a road or many roads not taken. Hopefully fear has not restricted us and love leads the way. This has to be part of the evaluation. How have you done in that regard?

More Love

Love makes the world go round so THEY say! And yes love motivates a great deal of what gets done in the world. Love plants trees, nurtures children, builds beautiful buildings, creates music, gives to the poor, looks out for the less fortunate, listens to the voice of reason and inner guidance.
Then there's fear, the other less attractive motivator. Its the driving force behind greed, oppression, crime, and all manner of selfish acts. The fear is, I can't have what I want any other way than by taking it by force.

Love increases our experience of peace while fear keeps us awake at night.

Imagine Love and Fear as fires within us that we can choose to feed or not. The one you feed is the one that dominates your experiences. There is so much fear in our society today that feeding the love fire may seem like going against the grain but doing so can change the quality of your relationships especially the most important one, your relationship with yourself.

Here's what "Psychology Today" says about the power of love.
"Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love."
For more from this article with helpful tips about loving yourself (feeding the love fire) go here; http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200212/the-power-love 
"Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally."