Great Expectations

Do you or did you have expectations of how your life would turn out; of what you might be when you grew up, expectations of a certain amount of achievement and happiness?

In my teens I remember a teacher going round the class asking each student what they hoped for in their future. She got varied answers; I want to be a fireman, I want to be married with children, I want to live in an exotic place, I want to have a big house. My answer was, I want to be happy.

All of the answers were lists of things imagined to bring happiness. I just didn't know what that would be for me in the future. How could I, at 13 years of age know what, at 30, 40, 50 would bring me happiness?
Naturally we have basic needs that must be met for happiness and we expect that they will be met, like having enough to eat, a warm dry place to sleep, like-minded friends and family who love us.

What I am realizing in my 50s is that I also have unconscious expectations that I believe may relate to how my parents lived their lives. In contrast to my parents who lived within 20 miles of where they were born, I live 6000 miles from where I was born. In contrast to them I have no children while they had 10. They lived in one house that they purchased, for over 60 years. I on the other hand live in a rented apartment and the longest I have lived in any one place ever is 12 years.

I have been wondering lately if this is why I have the feeling that there is no stability in my life, that everything is impermanent as if my life has not yet taken the shape it will be. I believe that I feel this because of the contrast with my family's choices and feel that I judge this as somehow not acceptable. The expectation that somehow it will turn out like my parents lives lurks in the unconscious.

 My life path and choices have brought me to this moment and asked me to evaluate and appreciate what I now have and what I have done. I say "asked me" to evaluate, as who else is qualified. Only I can truly decide if I have succeeded, if I am happy. I realize the power is in me to choose to look at what I dont have or compare my life with other lives and find it wanting OR appreciate what I do have and see the unique good. I am always going to long for more of what I love and that which makes me happy and I can also practice gratitude for my good fortune thus far. My life has been amazing and I am so grateful for the experiences I have had. Every life has a road or many roads not taken. Hopefully fear has not restricted us and love leads the way. This has to be part of the evaluation. How have you done in that regard?

Goals

“Our passions are the winds that propel our vessel. Our reason is the pilot that steers her. Without winds the vessel would not move and without a pilot she would be lost.” Proverb



They say goal setters have a better chance of success and understandably so. Especially if the goal is chosen with the heart and supported by the mind. I know for myself I have set goals I did not achieve because my heart was not in it. It was something I thought up out of reasoning alone and tried to achieve out of sheer force of will. Trust me that doesn't work.

The will has to be the servant of the heart, supporting its choices. The heart is the guide and the compass. It tells us what makes us happy, what excites us, what we are passionate about. The mind can choose what step will take us where we want to go. The mind can talk to us when we get disheartened and remind us to reconnect with our inner guidance. Using the analogy in the quote above - the pilot can steer the boat so as to catch the wind in its sails once again.



So as you set your course toward your goals know there are no doldrums if you ask your heart to become engaged. Know that passion and persistence are a powerful combination and success is the joy found in the journey. Bon Voyage! I look forward to seeing you on the high seas!


“If a man does not know what port he is steering for, no wind is favorable to him”
Seneca, Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD