Do you or did you have expectations of how your life would turn out; of what you might be when you grew up, expectations of a certain amount of achievement and happiness?
In my teens I remember a teacher going round the class asking each student what they hoped for in their future. She got varied answers; I want to be a fireman, I want to be married with children, I want to live in an exotic place, I want to have a big house. My answer was, I want to be happy.
All of the answers were lists of things imagined to bring happiness. I just didn't know what that would be for me in the future. How could I, at 13 years of age know what, at 30, 40, 50 would bring me happiness?
Naturally we have basic needs that must be met for happiness and we expect that they will be met, like having enough to eat, a warm dry place to sleep, like-minded friends and family who love us.
What I am realizing in my 50s is that I also have unconscious expectations that I believe may relate to how my parents lived their lives. In contrast to my parents who lived within 20 miles of where they were born, I live 6000 miles from where I was born. In contrast to them I have no children while they had 10. They lived in one house that they purchased, for over 60 years. I on the other hand live in a rented apartment and the longest I have lived in any one place ever is 12 years.
I have been wondering lately if this is why I have the feeling that there is no stability in my life, that everything is impermanent as if my life has not yet taken the shape it will be. I believe that I feel this because of the contrast with my family's choices and feel that I judge this as somehow not acceptable. The expectation that somehow it will turn out like my parents lives lurks in the unconscious.
My life path and choices have brought me to this moment and asked me to evaluate and appreciate what I now have and what I have done. I say "asked me" to evaluate, as who else is qualified. Only I can truly decide if I have succeeded, if I am happy. I realize the power is in me to choose to look at what I dont have or compare my life with other lives and find it wanting OR appreciate what I do have and see the unique good. I am always going to long for more of what I love and that which makes me happy and I can also practice gratitude for my good fortune thus far. My life has been amazing and I am so grateful for the experiences I have had. Every life has a road or many roads not taken. Hopefully fear has not restricted us and love leads the way. This has to be part of the evaluation. How have you done in that regard?
In and through all things Love is the message that Spirit would have us know; that we are loved, that we are love and that love is always the answer. Let the words you read here be a message for you today from the Universe that created you, perfect as you are.
I think it's important to acknowledge our disappointments and do our best to let go of expectations go as we move through life. No matter how we look at them disappointments will always be there for whatever reason and they can be as devastating as grief .. Its not always possible to "put it behind you " .. "find closure " - Our disappointments which are the reverse of expectations are like the rings on a tree trunk which has been cut down - marking the passage of time but we can live with them as part of our make up and life story The spaces between them - our achievements , our loves and happy memories, make up the rest but we tend to forget about them . ! We are lucky if we can like you Joan .appreciate what we've had and look forward to more of life's experiences whatever they will be !
ReplyDeleteAnd with each ring the tree grows stronger and sturdier. I just read a piece by a lady whose mother just lost her last remaining sibling. She was astounded how well her mother took the news. Declaring that each disappointment makes us stronger the mother said it would not have been her reaction at 40 but life had always brought her no more than she could bear. I hope I can bear the burden of such griefs with such grace as I age.
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